I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish I only lived at night.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
