just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
