he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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