I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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