Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize