I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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