youre lurking in front of me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
