am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so let's talk penis.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
