Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
