the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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