Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
