Jerry, you need to find god
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
