Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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