he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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