i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
false alarm, still single
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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