If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
