Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
