the day after is always just damage control
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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