a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
