he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
