Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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