Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize