Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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