I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
