so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
