finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
