I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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