shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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