can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
