nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
