I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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