Dude my mom stole all your condoms
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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