Swine flu. Run for my life!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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