dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Couch. On fire.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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