I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
