I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize