She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
