his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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