You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
