So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he puts the penis in happiness.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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