I hate your face
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
