Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
