I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
