Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
