And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
