i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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