His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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