6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize