If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
