Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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