How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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