eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
