were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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