And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize