Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
