Having a random hookup so left but love u
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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