Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.

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(574): View more from Indiana

he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour

(513): View more from Ohio

its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem

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(402): View more from Nebraska

the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”

(206): View more from Washington

Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!

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