i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
