She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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