Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
