if i can run in heels then i can drive
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
