I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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