Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
