dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
