Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
