I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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