nut hugger
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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