I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
