Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
oh god the rape fog is back!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
