So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
why is half of my head shaved?
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