Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
