im drinking this country out of the recession.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
