After last night, I could never be a politician.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
