just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
