He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
