I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
