Umm I'm too high to move.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish you could order shots online.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
