why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize