Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
