[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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