I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
