Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
