YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
