I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
