I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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