I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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