I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
