Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
