My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
