three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
