after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
