if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
