Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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