He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
