if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
