It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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