i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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