I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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