are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
